Hurting you isn’t something narcissists do by accident

In all the jabber about narcissism, the worst noise is this idea that hurting you is something narcissists do by accident.
If you get nothing else out of “What Makes Narcissists Tick,” get the message that frees you of that ridiculous belief. Which is nothing but a baseless assumption.
I don’t ask you to take my word for this. Test what I say when I say that narcissists hurt you on purpose. Anyone can test any narcissist.

Here’s how. The next time the narcissist is hurting your feelings or making you feel low, let your feelings show and tell him or her how they are making you feel asking them to stop it.

Be prepared for a shock. Any normal human being would soften and let up, but a narcissist will do exactly the opposite.
What does that mean?

Is revving up their engines, kicking in the afterburners, and running you right over an “accident” after you show your soft underbelly and beg them to let up on you?

It’s no “accident,” that’s for sure.

Want to see a narcissistic rage? That’s no “accident” either. The test: Just fall to your knees in tears begging them to have a heart and stop kicking you around like dirt.

The narcissist’s response? He or she blows up into a rage. Is that rage an “accident” when nothing but how deeply they are hurting you provokes it?

No, it’s a willful and wanton outrage.

Now hear this: THEY DON’T DO IT BY ACCIDENT. They aren’t just inconsiderate and touchy.

Test their “touchiness” (if you can do so safely, or have somebody not at the N’s mercy test it – someone who can defend themselves). Rage right back in their face. Act just as wild right back in their face. Threaten right back. Speak abusively right back.

Now any normal person would be provoked to rage by your doing this in their face. But narcissists are so UNtouchy that they do the opposite. Watch how instantaneously the raging narcissist becomes meek and mild and switches to his “I-wouldn’t-hurt-a-fly-mask.”

Don’t take my word for it. Test it. You CANNOT insult a narcissist who isn’t in a position to bully you! It’s impossible. Try it, you’ll see. Your lack of vulnerability gives them skin a foot thick! (Not to mention a rubber spine.)

“Touchy” my you-know-what.

They aren’t touchy at all. So perceived slights aren’t what set them off. The VULNERABILITY of a TARGET OF OPPORTUNITY is what sets them off – IF there are no witnesses.

That’s predation, not touchiness.

Narcissists aren’t inconsiderate of your feelings. To the contrary, they are extremely considerate of your feelings. Your feelings are exactly what they are trying to affect. They closely observe how you react every time they do something to hurt you.

And they are like sharks, able to smell a drop of blood a mile away. Why? Because your hurt feelings are their pain killing drug.

They are addicted to it. Ever since childhood.

That’s what their mental illness is, an addiction. (In fact, all addictions are classed as mental illness.)

So where do people get the stupid idea that narcissists aren’t to blame for what they do?

It’s asinine to think that narcissists can’t control themselves when we see them controlling themselves perfectly whenever witnesses are present. So, what? being behind closed doors makes them suddenly out of control of themselves? Baloney.

Their problem isn’t lack of self control; it’s lack of conscience. Conscience is what makes people behave the same in the dark as in the light of day.

Okay, they have an addiction to trampling people. They are hooked on the childish high they get from throwing somebody down, stepping on the victim’s back, and thumping their chest with a Tarzan yell.

But since when does an addiction amount to a carte blanche? An addiction is just a TEMPTATION. It doesn’t remove the addict’s responsibility to resist that temptation.

If a heroin addict sees you with heroin, he will attack and may kill you for it – IF there are no witnesses present.

But do we absolve him of his responsibility for the crime just because he’s addicted to heroin? Of course not.

Same with the narcissist. Since childhood he has done this mind-altering drug of abusing people and is addicted to it. He addicted himself.

Yet addicted as he is, he demonstrates the ability to control himself by behaving whenever witnesses are present, misbehaving only when he thinks he can get away with it.

Innocence that is not.

He does what he does because nothing but getting his drug matters to him. So he has no conscience. He lives to get it, whenever he can get away with it.

So, hurting others isn’t something narcissists do by accident. It’s how they live.

The victims of narcissists must understand this. They must quit falling for the masks predation conceals itself behind.

I don’t care how much the poor, little, ole narcissist whines that he didn’t mean to, and claims that he has an excuse because HIS feelings were somehow hurt, and weeps about what a miserable childhood he had and how sad and forlorn he’ll be if you go away, and all that crap. It’s a joke.

Painful as this is to admit, the victims of narcissists MUST understand it. It’s the bottom line. It predicates your choices.

Don’t take my word for it: test and see. 2 + 2 = 4. Always. Even on Thursdays.



10 thoughts on “Hurting you isn’t something narcissists do by accident

  1. This describes my soon to be EX husband to a T!!! Narcs are purely predators. And are experts at blaming everyone else. My dad made this great analogy when I told him what had REALLY been going on in our house during our short 2 year marriage: “It’s not a jewelry store’s fault they get robbed because they have something precious inside.” EXACTLY. It is NOT our fault these psychopaths find us to rape us and steal every last drop of emotion and goodness we have. They are such horrible experts at finding truly GOOD people and using everything that we hold dear to use against us. My husband LITERALLY set a trap for me. Specifically designed just. for. me. Early on he was such a great listener and I thought he was the “strong silent type.” Hell no! He was doing reconnaissance! Twisted all my core values so I would feel so ashamed of myself that the only choice I had to “make things right” in the eyes of God that I had to marry him. Oh no. No no no. I found him out. He failed every one of the tests listed above. That is exactly how he reacts to all of them (and I didn’t even realize I was testing him! I just thought I was losing my mind!). We went to marriage counseling, and the counselor told me that people go to him for 2 reasons: to figure out how to save the marriage, or how to get out of it. I realized then that I have a choice with him!!! I filed for divorce not even a month later. I cannot wait to have the judge sign the papers. I wish I was catholic – I would definitely qualify for an annulment! This was not a marriage. It was a chamber of pure hell!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Definarely agree with everything that was said here ”The Page Of Truth”

    Thank God there are these answers online available for people.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I don’t believe there is any such thing as “can’t” leave. i believe in the fear of leaving, but no such thing as “can’t” unless he has you tied up in the basement. There always a way, it requires a plan and the will and courage to implement that plan.


    2. Theresa, I was stuck and couldn’t escape also. Please start telling yourself that it is temporary. You will be able to escape. You just need time to get strong and implement a plan. One important thing is to make a ‘Safety Plan’. Have some emergency clothes, money and know where you can go in an emergency. I didnt even have $50 stashed away. I had nothing. You also need a long term plan. Start to find out about what help is available in the community. Most places have free help for victims of domestic abuse and/or medical and counselling help. I did eventually get away. I lost my son to my ex though. He was 13, I no longer have any contact. I understand not being able to escape. You should also access counselling on a weekly or fortnightly basis to help you cope. It would purely be about healing you, making you strong and learning strategies to cope. Dont let the abuser know. There is a great deal you can do to prepare while you are unable to escape and that’s what now is about for you. And also prepare yourself for the after. Your life will all but be destroyed. You will need to be careful who ‘your’ friends are and expect to loose everything including ‘friends and some family members, but I assure you it is all worth it because you will come back to life in a bigger way than you ever imagined. My main piece of advice I would give is plan, plan, plan and don’t be in a hurry, I grabbed my freedom too soon. Once we separated, I became major enemy and instead of using my time to get me well I wasted it on coping with his attacks. I could have stayed a little bit longer until I was strong enough to cope with the enemy attack. Once I found out what was really going on I ended the relationship but I believe I could have used my time to better educate myself and plan my escape better while getting myself well, health wise including mental health so that I would be strong enough to cope with the attack. I really had no idea when I left. I only knew he was being abusive. I learned about NPD and gas lighting much later. Information can empower. So, ok you can’t escape today but you can spend you time working towards it.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. The “powers that shouldn’t be” along with the mainstream media and the education system purposely SUPPRESS information on narcissism (psychopathy/sociopathy). They have known about these “people” and what they do for centuries if not longer because most of the system is under their control (you know the old adage “scum always rises to the top.”). Anyway, the DO NOT WANT US TO KNOW THE TRUTH, just like the farmer doesn’t want the cattle to know they are being fed for the slaughterhouse, and the fox doesn’t want the chickens to know it is hiding in the hen house. The evil men suppressing this knowledge are guilty of every conceivable crime caused by these these serpents, including murder. The reality of these “people” and what they do should be taught in EVERY CHURCH AND EVERY SCHOOL, but instead, these monsters are coddled, ignored and promoted to choice jobs and positions in our society and most of the brainwashed public jumps on their bandwagon against the victims or they just simply ignore the plight of the victims and stick their head in the sand (until they inevitably get bitten by one of these snakes).


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