You’ve been ruthlessly and callously discarded. You see your ex with the new target. They are parading themselves and their new found “love” all over social media. They are creating quite the image of “happily ever after”. Their FB minions falling over themselves with comments like….”so glad you finally found happiness”, “you are such a lovely couple”, You feel enraged, angry, steaming, depressed, confused. You hate her, you hate him, so many emotions all at once and you can’t make sense of it.
What is the source of all these strong emotions? You ask yourself, am I jealous? Well I am here to tell you, yes you are, but NOT in the way you think you might be. If you can figure out the source of these conflicting emotions, you will take a very large step forward in your healing journey.
I remember going through this. Once I figure it out, I took a huge leap forward in my recovery. I kept asking myself, why the hell am I feeling this way?. Why do I hate her? So I pondered and pondered. I said to myself. Well, I am not jealous of her, I know what is in store for her. Pain, betrayal, and the complete destruction of who she thinks she is. He targeted her because she is weak, has low esteem, no boundaries, desperate and needy. I certainly had no respect for her. I certainly didn’t want that disordered ass clown back in my life. So what is it I am so jealous of? One day, out of no where, it finally occurred to me.
I am not jealous of her, I am jealous him. WHAT!!!!??? I said to myself, jealous of HIM!? Yes, you see. a psychopath is much like a hit and run accident, (except on his part, it was no “accident” he aimed the car right at you). He shows up, runs you over, leaves you paralyzed in street and facing years and years of painful physical therapy to look forward to. Putting your life in a holding pattern until you can fully recover. Meanwhile, the person who ran you over, didn’t even stop or slow down, didn’t care about the injuries they caused, they refuse to admit doing it, they didn’t apologize or take responsibility. In most cases, blamed you for legally crossing the street. They happily drove on and continued unscathed, happily with their lives as if nothing happened. This is what you are jealous of, not her for having him. But him for seemingly “having a life” whilst yours in ruins because of him. He’s running around like the cock of the walk. You are barley functioning, walking around like an empty shelled zombie, just going through the motions of life, trying to turn off the record in your head that plays over and over again. You can’t focus or concentrate on anything. Yes, this is PTSD from the trauma caused by the hit and run of a psychopath.
This is where you must remember to remind yourself. He has not moved on to a wonderful and full life. You see this psychopath keeps driving down the same road, a road with dead ends in both directions. He travels this same road over and over again. Back and forth and back and forth. It never leads him anywhere. The only thing that ever changes are passengers he travels it with. Strewn along either side of road are the many passengers he simply discarded along his way. All the passengers he picked up, threw from car and ran over, on his way to pick up another victim.
Meanwhile, your path has been set back, it maybe painful, long, slow going and wondering: BUT it eventually leads somewhere. Somewhere amazing. The psychopath may have set you back, but you eventually surpass him in a very big way. His life does not run on a continuum, he is forever doomed to travel on a road that leads no where, in both directions.
He eventually passes away. Lonely and having had accomplished nothing of value in his life. He wasted the life he was given. He dies having never truly loved anyone, and never knowing what it is like to be truly loved. Never knowing what it feels like to accept genuine love and caring from others. Never experiencing the joy of knowing what it is like to trust and to be trusted. For the greatest compliment isn’t to be liked, it is to be trusted. Never connecting or bonding to the rest of humanity. So you see, there is absolutely nothing there to be jealous of in regards to your ex psychopath.
The second prong of these feelings toward his newest victim has to do with the statement I made about her earlier. “He targeted her because she is weak, has low esteem, no boundaries, desperate and needy. I certainly have no respect for her.” I hated looking at her, because that, my friends, were all the reasons HE targeted ME. I WAS all those things and didn’t realize it at the time. By looking at who she is NOW, is to look upon who I used to be. To say I have no respect for her because of those things, is to say, I have no respect for the person, the fool, I used to be. And that is a very painful reality to have to face.