I was thinking about being the family scapegoat and outcast, although I outcast myself to escape the toxins. I was thinking about the things I would have to do in order to reconnect and be apart of the lives of my sisters once more without upsetting anyone and making it as peaceful as possible. Here is the list I came up with.
1) Don’t have a better career. (real or perceived)
2) Don’t have nicer things (real or perceived)
3) Don’t have a nicer home (real or perceived)
4) Don’t make healthy habits a priority or weigh less
5) Try to appear less attractive than them (real or perceived)
6) Don’t be more knowledgeable on any subject, EVER (appear not to be anyway)
7)Don’t talk about my kids in a positive light
8)Don’t talk about your great relationship with your kids, in a positive light
9)Find a reason, excuse, or rationalization for having a glass of wine in my hand 24/7. After all being a wino is far more high class drunk than a beer swilling drunk.
10)Do not have self esteem or self confidence and never, ever stick up for yourself. (real or perceived)
11)Never accidentally become the focus of attention
12)Allow them to prattle on endlessly about how great they are, how great their marriage is, how great their children are, how great their lives are. DO NOT disagree, always praise and kiss ass, feed the egos.
No thank you. I am not willing to stop being ME to appease toxic, self centered, narc types. The price of admission is too high. I will NOT lose me to be apart of you. Lastly, it doesn’t really how much you change yourself to stay connected, you will escape being the scapegoat. They simply will not allow it.